October 11 is Coming Out Day

Coming out. Letting in. No matter what we call it, it's something that 2SLGBTQ+ folks still have to do, and honestly I struggle with this.

At what point does our society start to accept that what is under someone's clothes or who is in someone's heart or bed stops being policed? At what point will we accept that people should have the freedom to be who they are without judgement? At what point will we understand that judging people should be based on how they treat others and practically nothing else?

Am I a pie-in-the-sky dreamer to think that we can get to the point where

• Gender-affirming care is primary care?

• Gender-affirming clothing is accessible where all people can shop for it?

• Marriage is an option for all people who choose it?

• Not being married is perfectly fine, too?

• Parents are parents irrespective of gender?

• All sexual and gender identities are valid and deserve visibility?

I'm not pointing fingers. I find myself trying to fit people into boxes based on their appearance and who they are with in public all the time. I like to think that I'm growing as a person because now when I see those folks I check myself and remind myself that who they're with or how they identify themselves is absolutely none of my business. If they engage with me they can let me in or keep me out of any of those aspects of their identities on their own terms. My job is just to meet them where they are and to trust that if I'm a decent and accepting human they will respond to that.

If you know someone who you think might be in a position to have to "come out", please take a moment to consider how you can create a safe opportunity for that person.

• Talk about identities that are different from the cisgender, heterosexual average in ways that are welcoming and inclusive.

• Talk about people who have come out publicly and who are happier and healthier because of it.

• If you think your person is in an unsafe home situation, help them find ways to make their experience safer.

I don't have all the answers, but I will tell you that when my own people felt safe enough to share parts of their identities with me that weren't "out" I grew as a human. I doubled down on trying to make my home more welcoming of all kinds of different people. I feel so much more authentically myself. I'm braver and take way more chances with people than I ever did, and I'm HAPPIER because of the vulnerability I was trusted with. This is my space for gratitude today.