Aces and Aros

I have been so glad to spend several days with my eldest darling daughter this week. Today's blog comes from Charlotte!

"Hello everyone! Charlotte, writing to you today from our little mom and kid trip to BC! Today I wanted to talk a bit about supporting youth who don’t necessarily feel that they fit in and/or feel welcome in the queer community.

For a bit of context, I identify as demisexual. This means that I need to have a close platonic relationship with someone before I have romantic feelings for them. This identity was something that I found out about in my later years of high school, and I’ve spent many years reflecting on how it impacted my relationships and friendships in the past. 

As I learned more about queer identities throughout high school and university, I also saw how some identities are sometimes not accepted by some people in the queer community, such as bisexuality and asexuality (or asexual adjacent identities). Seeing this often led me to identify as straight in conversations with others, especially because I have only ever been in heteronormative relationships. While I am comfortable with my identity now, there are still certain people who I feel I need to hide my identity from because I don’t think it will be accepted or respected.

That leads me to my question: how can caregivers support people like me, who often feel estranged from the queer community? One big way that immediately comes to mind for me is having conversations about it. Asking things like “Is there any identity that feels right to you?” or doing research together into identities and possible labels that fit is a great step towards supporting youth that may not be sure how they identify, or feel uncomfortable sharing their identities. Help them to have at least one person they know is safe and comfortable to have those conversations with. 

Talking about these things with a caregiver can also help youth have a more healthy relationship with their own identity. I know that I had a couple of relationships in high school that I felt that I should be in simply because it was what the people around me were doing, despite not knowing the person I was dating as well as I would want to. If I had had the opportunity to speak with someone about my identity, and acknowledge that I didn’t have to be in relationships simply because it was what others were doing, I think I would have been much happier.

Thank you for reading my rambling, and I hope you all have had a great week!"